People often try to control life – even the parts of life that cannot be controlled. We believe that the more we take control over our lives and our environment, the less we risk. We learn to control our temper, to control our emotions, to control our urges. Similarly, we think that the more we control our children, the more likely they are to succeed. The more we control our spouses, the more content we will be in our marriage. The more we control our employees, the more productively they will perform. The more we as a nation actively involve ourselves in controlling our senators and congressmen, the more accountable they will be. The more we as a nation take a stand to control other countries, the better the world will be.
Control can certainly be beneficial. Without control, people give into their urges and harm others. Without control, children never learn to cope with the demands of society. And, we can learn to control our behavior -- our facial expressions, fists, sexual urges, and violent urges. We can make decisions before we act. We can evaluate the costs and benefits of various options, and then choose how to respond.
However, there are many things we cannot control. Consider children: we can provide rewards and punishments for behavior, but we cannot be present twenty-four hours a day to control their behavior. Our spouses control themselves – they are adults and determinate their behavior. Controlling employees can be effective for certain operations, but employees are individuals and will bring their individuality into whatever jobs they perform. Our control over senators and congressmen must be shared with all of our fellow citizens. And, of course, we have extremely little control over foreign countries.
We also have little control over our immediate internal emotional responses. The immediate emotional response is automatic. We automatically feel sadness when we experience a loss, fear in dangerous settings, anger when we are wronged. Such emotional reactions normally rise and fall in a reasonable period of time.
However, when people are frightened of such feelings, the feelings tend to escalate. For example, when someone experiences intense anxiety and is further frightened by the racing heart and shortness of breath that accompany anxiety, then the anxiety will escalate. As fear of anxiety continues to escalate, a panic attack is the inevitable result.
People often try to avoid such intense negative experiences by controlling their emotions. Unfortunately, it is impossible to avoid emotions as they are internal and automatic. Attempts to avoid or control emotions lead people to such extremes as never leaving their homes, and even inside their homes they experience anxiety.
Panic attacks result from such fear of anxiety. Panics involve the experience of intense anxiety for no apparent reason. It can include sweating, increased heart rate, shaking, shortness of breath, stomach pain, dizziness, muscle tension, and fears that one is having a heart attack or going crazy. It is extremely uncomfortable. Panic attacks feel more difficult to cope with than a fear of heights or snakes because the panics seem to come out of nowhere. With a fear of heights, one can stay away from heights but how can anyone avoid something inside the body?
Shirley provides a good example of a person with panic attacks. She was an intelligent and attractive 40 year old woman who was riddled with panic attacks. She had a history of excellent jobs, but was unemployed and uncertain as to what work she wanted to do. Her previous employment included working as a teacher and as an accounant. As her husband was a successful sales executive, Shirley was able to remain at home with the children but felt quite vulnerable without her own source of income.
Shirley experienced her first panic attack as a side effect of a medication. During her panic, Shirley thought she was becoming psychotic. She was unable to think clearly, her stomach hurt, her heart raced, and she found herself shaking. She was so frightened by this event that she later became frightened by any sensation suggesting she might have another panic attack. She was wary of any thoughts or physical sensations that indicated she was becoming anxious. She read every book that she could find on anxiety. And, she determined that she needed to stop every anxious thought as it arose, before it led her to become incapacitated and psychotic.
Of course, it was impossible to stop every anxious sensation and every anxious thought. Everyone has such sensations and thoughts, and they cannot be eliminated. Rather than eliminating them, Shirley became vigilant to watch for such sensations and thoughts, and became quite anxious when she experienced them. She was particularly frightened that an upset stomach might be an omen of impending anxiety. She eventually became anxious in reaction to any sensation in her stomach, including hunger, nausea, feeling full, and butterflies.
Because she was so fearful of anxiety, normal experiences of anxiety often escalated into panics. Her heart rate increased and she would sweat, shake, and feel short of breath. She worried she was becoming psychotic.
Panic is a difficult problem, because people who panic are afraid of even low levels of anxiety. They do not believe that arousal of anxiety is useful. To get past this, Shirley needed to learn how anxiety can be useful. It is normal and even useful for people to become anxious when faced with a challenging task. The anxiety motivates us to focus our energy and attention on the task. Before a competition we become anxious, which energizes our body, engages us with the competition. Before a test, we become anxious, which motivates us to prepare and study. Without some anxiety people would not perform well. Decades ago, psychologists concluded from experiments that people do not perform at their best unless they experience some anxiety. On the other hand, excessive anxiety interferes with performance.
Thus, when Shirley became frightened of anxiety, she was actually frightened of a normal human state and preferred not to experience any of that normal state. However, it is impossible to eliminate anxiety.
Her cycle involved noticing a stomachache, worrying that the stomachache meant she was about to panic, fearing that she might panic, becoming hyper-vigilant to other symptoms of anxiety, and becoming increasingly anxious until she panicked.
Control can certainly be beneficial. Without control, people give into their urges and harm others. Without control, children never learn to cope with the demands of society. And, we can learn to control our behavior -- our facial expressions, fists, sexual urges, and violent urges. We can make decisions before we act. We can evaluate the costs and benefits of various options, and then choose how to respond.
However, there are many things we cannot control. Consider children: we can provide rewards and punishments for behavior, but we cannot be present twenty-four hours a day to control their behavior. Our spouses control themselves – they are adults and determinate their behavior. Controlling employees can be effective for certain operations, but employees are individuals and will bring their individuality into whatever jobs they perform. Our control over senators and congressmen must be shared with all of our fellow citizens. And, of course, we have extremely little control over foreign countries.
We also have little control over our immediate internal emotional responses. The immediate emotional response is automatic. We automatically feel sadness when we experience a loss, fear in dangerous settings, anger when we are wronged. Such emotional reactions normally rise and fall in a reasonable period of time.
However, when people are frightened of such feelings, the feelings tend to escalate. For example, when someone experiences intense anxiety and is further frightened by the racing heart and shortness of breath that accompany anxiety, then the anxiety will escalate. As fear of anxiety continues to escalate, a panic attack is the inevitable result.
People often try to avoid such intense negative experiences by controlling their emotions. Unfortunately, it is impossible to avoid emotions as they are internal and automatic. Attempts to avoid or control emotions lead people to such extremes as never leaving their homes, and even inside their homes they experience anxiety.
Panic attacks result from such fear of anxiety. Panics involve the experience of intense anxiety for no apparent reason. It can include sweating, increased heart rate, shaking, shortness of breath, stomach pain, dizziness, muscle tension, and fears that one is having a heart attack or going crazy. It is extremely uncomfortable. Panic attacks feel more difficult to cope with than a fear of heights or snakes because the panics seem to come out of nowhere. With a fear of heights, one can stay away from heights but how can anyone avoid something inside the body?
Shirley provides a good example of a person with panic attacks. She was an intelligent and attractive 40 year old woman who was riddled with panic attacks. She had a history of excellent jobs, but was unemployed and uncertain as to what work she wanted to do. Her previous employment included working as a teacher and as an accounant. As her husband was a successful sales executive, Shirley was able to remain at home with the children but felt quite vulnerable without her own source of income.
Shirley experienced her first panic attack as a side effect of a medication. During her panic, Shirley thought she was becoming psychotic. She was unable to think clearly, her stomach hurt, her heart raced, and she found herself shaking. She was so frightened by this event that she later became frightened by any sensation suggesting she might have another panic attack. She was wary of any thoughts or physical sensations that indicated she was becoming anxious. She read every book that she could find on anxiety. And, she determined that she needed to stop every anxious thought as it arose, before it led her to become incapacitated and psychotic.
Of course, it was impossible to stop every anxious sensation and every anxious thought. Everyone has such sensations and thoughts, and they cannot be eliminated. Rather than eliminating them, Shirley became vigilant to watch for such sensations and thoughts, and became quite anxious when she experienced them. She was particularly frightened that an upset stomach might be an omen of impending anxiety. She eventually became anxious in reaction to any sensation in her stomach, including hunger, nausea, feeling full, and butterflies.
Because she was so fearful of anxiety, normal experiences of anxiety often escalated into panics. Her heart rate increased and she would sweat, shake, and feel short of breath. She worried she was becoming psychotic.
Panic is a difficult problem, because people who panic are afraid of even low levels of anxiety. They do not believe that arousal of anxiety is useful. To get past this, Shirley needed to learn how anxiety can be useful. It is normal and even useful for people to become anxious when faced with a challenging task. The anxiety motivates us to focus our energy and attention on the task. Before a competition we become anxious, which energizes our body, engages us with the competition. Before a test, we become anxious, which motivates us to prepare and study. Without some anxiety people would not perform well. Decades ago, psychologists concluded from experiments that people do not perform at their best unless they experience some anxiety. On the other hand, excessive anxiety interferes with performance.
Thus, when Shirley became frightened of anxiety, she was actually frightened of a normal human state and preferred not to experience any of that normal state. However, it is impossible to eliminate anxiety.
Her cycle involved noticing a stomachache, worrying that the stomachache meant she was about to panic, fearing that she might panic, becoming hyper-vigilant to other symptoms of anxiety, and becoming increasingly anxious until she panicked.
It was hard for Shirley to imagine how to overcome the fear of anxiety. When asked what she would have to do to get over a fear of heights, Shirley immediately knew that she would have to go to high places. When asked what she must do to get over her fear of panic, Shirley was unable to answer the question. The correct answer is to face the fear – to be willing to panic. Shirley could not conceive of panicking on purpose, because she feared the panic would never stop.
Shirley acknowledged that she could not stop the panics by fighting them. And, she understood the cycle. So, while she did not agree to panic on purpose, Shirley agreed to allow panic attacks to continue, rather than try to stop them. Initially, Shirley responded to panic attacks with her usual fearful response. However, with practice she learned to simply watch the course of each panic attack rather than try to stop it. Her panics gradually became shorter in duration. As they became shorter, she became less frightened of them so they occurred less frequently. Some panics may continue for the rest of Shirley’s life; but they do not last long and she has confidence that they will not harm her.
The change Shirley made was that she stopped trying to control the panics, and instead allowed herself to panic. Shirley learned that if she watched her body closely for signs of anxiety and feared the anxiety, she would drive herself to panic. Trying to control or stop panic attacks increased her sense of panic. It required courage for her to stop trying to control the panics and instead to welcome them and simply watch them. She was rewarded with much shorter, less frightening, and less frequent attacks.
Shirley acknowledged that she could not stop the panics by fighting them. And, she understood the cycle. So, while she did not agree to panic on purpose, Shirley agreed to allow panic attacks to continue, rather than try to stop them. Initially, Shirley responded to panic attacks with her usual fearful response. However, with practice she learned to simply watch the course of each panic attack rather than try to stop it. Her panics gradually became shorter in duration. As they became shorter, she became less frightened of them so they occurred less frequently. Some panics may continue for the rest of Shirley’s life; but they do not last long and she has confidence that they will not harm her.
The change Shirley made was that she stopped trying to control the panics, and instead allowed herself to panic. Shirley learned that if she watched her body closely for signs of anxiety and feared the anxiety, she would drive herself to panic. Trying to control or stop panic attacks increased her sense of panic. It required courage for her to stop trying to control the panics and instead to welcome them and simply watch them. She was rewarded with much shorter, less frightening, and less frequent attacks.
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