This blog will share stories of people making changes in their lives – sometimes seemingly simple changes, sometimes remarkable and complex changes. The stories are based on people I have worked with but various changes are introduced to protect their identity and confidentiality. I hope the stories provide examples of the variety of ways people change their habits, their behaviors, their moods, and their relationships.
What guides the changes in these stories is the idea that our feeling, thoughts, behaviors, physiological responses and relationship are inextricably connected with one another. In a very real sense they are intertwined with one another. The intertwining is evident at a neurological level, where scientists find that pathways that are frequently activated are better insulated and the insulation results in the pathways becoming stronger and more automatic.
For example, if sadness frequently leads one to isolate, then the pathway in the brain between the emotion of sadness and the behavior of isolating is likely to become better insulated and thus more automatic. In turn, isolation is likely to lead to loneliness and hence more sadness. As a result, there is a continuous feedback with sadness causing more isolation and isolation causing more sadness, often leading to depression.
Of course, the reality is more complicated. In addition to sadness and isolation, depression also entails negative thoughts, such as viewing oneself as ineffective and losing hope for the future. There are also physiological changes, such as lack of energy, loss of appetite, and difficulty sleeping. And there are changes in relationships, as family and close friends might become worn out by a depressed person’s mood and pull away from that person, even unintentionally. The negative mood, behaviors, negative thoughts, physical changes, and changes in relationships all become intertwined and tend to magnify one another.
As a result of the intertwining of these experiences, a cycle develops in which the mood, behaviors, thoughts, physiological changes and relationship changes exacerbate one another. The cycle feels impossible to change when one is in the middle of it.
However, one can break the cycle by changing any of its elements. If a person can change his mood, or his thoughts, or his physiology, or his relationships, then the cycle is interrupted. Not only is the cycle interrupted, in addition new cycles are created. This change can require a good deal of effort and practice, but the effort and practice have a big payoff – at a neurological level new pathways become better insulated, stronger and more automatic; while the depressive pathways gradually lose their insulation and become weaker.
This approach to understanding and overcoming depression is also applicable to anxiety, anger, embarrassment, family problems, and life transitions. I hope the stories that will follow help to clarify how people break out of such difficult cycles.
What guides the changes in these stories is the idea that our feeling, thoughts, behaviors, physiological responses and relationship are inextricably connected with one another. In a very real sense they are intertwined with one another. The intertwining is evident at a neurological level, where scientists find that pathways that are frequently activated are better insulated and the insulation results in the pathways becoming stronger and more automatic.
For example, if sadness frequently leads one to isolate, then the pathway in the brain between the emotion of sadness and the behavior of isolating is likely to become better insulated and thus more automatic. In turn, isolation is likely to lead to loneliness and hence more sadness. As a result, there is a continuous feedback with sadness causing more isolation and isolation causing more sadness, often leading to depression.
Of course, the reality is more complicated. In addition to sadness and isolation, depression also entails negative thoughts, such as viewing oneself as ineffective and losing hope for the future. There are also physiological changes, such as lack of energy, loss of appetite, and difficulty sleeping. And there are changes in relationships, as family and close friends might become worn out by a depressed person’s mood and pull away from that person, even unintentionally. The negative mood, behaviors, negative thoughts, physical changes, and changes in relationships all become intertwined and tend to magnify one another.
As a result of the intertwining of these experiences, a cycle develops in which the mood, behaviors, thoughts, physiological changes and relationship changes exacerbate one another. The cycle feels impossible to change when one is in the middle of it.
However, one can break the cycle by changing any of its elements. If a person can change his mood, or his thoughts, or his physiology, or his relationships, then the cycle is interrupted. Not only is the cycle interrupted, in addition new cycles are created. This change can require a good deal of effort and practice, but the effort and practice have a big payoff – at a neurological level new pathways become better insulated, stronger and more automatic; while the depressive pathways gradually lose their insulation and become weaker.
This approach to understanding and overcoming depression is also applicable to anxiety, anger, embarrassment, family problems, and life transitions. I hope the stories that will follow help to clarify how people break out of such difficult cycles.
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